Archive for the ‘Zmešano’ Category

Tesla fart

29 03 2021

Tesla’s Emissions Testing Mode lets drivers choose different fart sounds from the car’s touchscreen, giving electric-car owners a good sense of Elon Musk’s sense of toilet humor.

vir: Youtube

Marsikateri lastnik avtomobila Tesla presenečen ugotovi, da ima Elon Musk smisel za straniščni humor in da ima njegova programska oprema vgrajeno tudi funkcionalnost, s katero se vklopi zvok vetrov izpod sedežev. Da se izbirati pod katerim sedežem se slišijo zvoki in celo izbiraš lahko vrsto zvoka. Ta možnost je skrita pod Emissions Testing Mode. Meni se zdi tudi to zelo vizionarsko in tudi zato se v Tesli menda otroci tako radi vozijo. Upam, da bodo imeli nekoč vsi avtomobili to serijsko vgrajeno. Tudi nemški.

Programska oprema v Tesli omogoča tudi tako imenovani Romantic mode. Ta funkcionalnost na zaslonu predvaja posnetek ognja v kaminu in do konca poveča jakost gretja v avtu. Presenečen sem bil tudi nad tem, da Tesla omogoča igranje igric na velikem zaslonu, s katerim se upravlja praktično vse v tem avtomobilu. No, to me ni toliko presenetilo,. Bolj sem bil presenečen nad tem, da lahko v igricah tipa Super Mario Kart uporabljaš pravi volan in pedale za upravljanje. Kako se to igra co-op pa nimam ideje, ker ne vidim nikjer drugega volana.

Kako točno si je Elon Musk zamislil, da bodo starejši ljudje upravljali take napredne avtomobile, ne bi vedel. Morda bo o tem razmišljal čez nekaj let, ko se ne bo več spomnil, pod katerim menijem je globoko skrita funkcionalnost za vklop ročne zavore in kako se lahko na programski opremi avtomobila izvede jailbreake, da bo pravilno deloval vklop dolgih luči in vseh štirih utripalk. Mogoče se da zaslon v takem avtomobilu preklopiti v kakšen bolj enostaven način za starejše?

Pa preden se zaradi nevednosti zaletiš s takim avtom že na prvi vožnji, upam da te Tesla pošlje na kakšen osnovni tečaj, kjer ti razložijo, kako se izklopi Emissions Testing Mode, če si ga slučajno uspel pomotoma vklopiti.

Nisem pa prepričan, če naša informacijska pooblaščenka ve, da imajo Tesle vgrajen tako imenovani sentry mode , ki ga vklopiš, ko avto parkiraš in potem snema celotno okolico vozila in te posnetke tudi shranjuje. To je zame poseg v zasebnost in na tak način okolica avtomobila znamke Tesla postane video nadzorovano območje. Za to bi imel imeti vsaj nalepko, če ne dovoljenje da takšno snemanje lahko izvajaš. Ali za Teslo veljajo drugačna pravila?

Tesla definitivno ni avtomobil, ki bi bil načrtovan po principu KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid. Prej se mi, zdi da je bil načrtovan po principu Keep It All On One Big Screen – KIAOOBS. Poleg tema pa se mi pri teh električnih avtomobilih zastavlja vprašanje, kako bo videti vzdrževanje takega avtomobila čez nekaj let, ko bo izven garancije in se bo elektronika kvarila, za programsko opremo pa ne bo več na voljo novih posodobitev? Tak avto lahko postane prava nočna mora in jama brez dna za vzdrževanje. Ali pa proizvajalci načrtujejo, da bodo ljudje menjali električne avtomobile tako, kot danes menjajo pametne telefone na vsakih nekaj let? Samo potem pa 12 urni delavnik ne bo več dovolj. Delati bo potrebno vseh 7 dni na teden.

V zvezi z električnimi avtomobili tudi ne vem, ali se jih lahko umiva z vodo in kaj narediš v primeru, če ti nekje sredi ničesar zmanjka goriva, torej elektrike v bateriji? Pri bencinskih motorjih ti je nekdo moral pripeljati posodo z bencinom, da si se lahko pripeljal do prve bencinske črpalke. Pri električnih avtih ti mora nekdo potem dostaviti agregat?

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O karakterju

Radioactive toxic assets

28 03 2021

High-ranking FED officials are going to buy a radioactive nuclear waste. And one of them asks: Why the hell we are going to buy radioactive nuclear waste? I thought that we are only buying financial toxic assets!

The joke produced by not so famous Onyx dream factory in march 2021.


Nero – source: Wikipedia

#The more you show money to the people, the more smile is fading from their faces.

Cerknica – drugi poskus

27 03 2021

Zadnjič mi z električnim gorskim kolesom ni uspelo priti do Cerknice, ker se je izkazalo že na začetku, da baterija ni bila polna. V drugem poskusu pa je misija Cerknica uspela s polno baterijo brez zapletov. Cilj je bil dosežen natančno ob 10:43:20 po lokalnem času (GMT+1). Vreme na cilju je bilo oblačno, temperatura 10 stopinj nad relativno ničlo in 283,15 stopinj nad absolutno ničlo. Pihal je zmeren veter jugo zahodne smeri. Zračni tlak 1024,7 hPa na nadmorski višini 559 metrov. Težni pospešek +9,8 m/s2. Razdalja do najbližje zvezde 149.600.000 km. Ocenjeno število prebivalcev na cilju 4350. Razpoloženje turobno. Verjetno zaradi vremena in zgodnje ure.

The Eagle has Landed. All around a sea of tranquility. Mission status control: System status – Healthy. Mission accomplished.

Statistika na Garminu pravi skupaj v obe smeri 28,8 km, 1:56:54 potreben čas, 20,5 km/h povprečna hitrost in 1090 m višinske razlike. 400 Wh bateriji sta ostali na koncu poti še tri črtice od desetih, torej še vedno zeleno območje. Rdeče se vklopi, ko ostanete samo še dve črtici. Torej ta baterija dejansko omogoča tudi vzpon nad 1000 m, kar je pa tudi mene presenetilo. Se res da še višje z enim samim polnjenjem? Mogoče bi šlo 1300 metrov?

So pa to zanimivi, na trenutek celo pravljični kraji. Že ime je zabavno – Menešija – Dežela tisočerih zvezdic. En kraj se imenuje Selšček in vsi imajo na hiškah zabavne hišne številke. Pri Zgončkovih je ena takih. V tej hiški je manjši muzej, ki prikazuje, kako so živeli včasih, ko še ni bilo pohištva iz Ikeje in Mömaxa ter so na stenah visele nabožne slike.

vse foto: Dr. Onyx

Ta zadnja slika z lojtro do vrat pa zmaga. Če zjutraj nisi pazljiv in pozabiš, da imaš na vhodu lojtro, lahko celo padeš par metrov v globino. Ampak dobro, verjetno bo nekoč tu stal prizidek in bodo ta vrata zazidana.

Medveda pa tudi tokrat nisem srečal. Menda ni dobro imeti opravka z medvedom, ki ni spal v enem kosu več mesecev, ker je živčen in neprespan. Vse jasno.

Zlata ladjica

25 03 2021

Kot sem opazil, je nekdo prenovil gostilno Zlata ladjica na obali Ljubljanice. Upam, da se epidemija čim prej konča in se vrnejo turisti v Ljubljano, da se investicija začne vračati. Razen seveda, če ni plačal to obnovo z gotovino. Potem je pa verjetno bolj vseeno, saj ni negativnega kapitalskega toka iz naslova izpada obrestnih odhodkov.

vse foto: Dr. Onyx

V tej, nekoč ne tako lepi, ampak kljub vsemu za nas legendarni gostilni, smo v srednji šoli zaključevali ocene. Če se prav spomnim je bilo to pri predmetu elektronska vezja ali nekaj podobnega. Imeli smo mlajšega tovariša (nekoč v komunizmu smo tako klicali učitelje), ki je ravno prišel iz fakultete in je bil nekakšen rookie med tovariši. Konec šolskega leta pa smo šli sem zaključevat ocene. Izgledalo je pa vse skupaj kot na kakšni arabski tržnici.

Onyx, tole bi bila pa lahko dobra trojka.
Ne tovariš, prosim. Ne bi šla slaba štirica? Pet, štiri, tri, tri, dve. To je slaba štirica tovariš. Prosim, prosim. Slaba štirica.
Ja, ne, ja, malo je zmanjkalo…
Potem si pa častil rundo piva in slaba štirica je bila.

Menda so šole danes precej lažje. Oziroma bolj poceni delijo same petice.

Upam, da je tisto zelenje na balkonu hmelj.

Neznosno breme dolgov

23 03 2021

Menda ustvarjati dolgove ni slabo za ekonomijo. Problem nastane samo v primeru, če tiskajo denar. Pri dolgovih se pričakuje, da jih bo nekdo vračal. Ampak običajno naslednje generacije dobijo samo še višjo porcijo dolgov, tako da potem sploh ne morejo zaživeti, saj morajo odplačevati dolgove drugih in še svoje. Kmalu se nam bo dogajalo, da dojenčki v porodnišnicah ne bodo najprej zajokali, ampak bodo najprej vprašali…

KAKO VISOKI SO ŽE DOLGOV!

In šele potem se bodo razjokali.

NFT

23 03 2021

My first poop was sold for over a billion as NFT (non-eatable token). Today is worth one trillion.

Emergency surgery

23 03 2021

I am going to an emergency surgery. They gonna cut my head off.

How Dr. Onyx almost bought USA

22 03 2021

In 2050, dr. Onyx came to the US central bank FED master chef and told him: This is my crypto cold wallet storage. There are 1000 bitcoins in it. I would like to buy the USA. And FED master chef said: Too late! We were already bought by China for 999 bitcoins and 99 satoshis.

Influencer

21 03 2021

How they used to say an influencer, who did not convince almost anyone?

The Prophet.

Kako se je včasih reklo influencerju, ki ni uspel prepričati skoraj nikogar?

Prerok.

Crypto Armagedon

21 03 2021

The market capitalization of bitcoin has reached 1,000 billion USD. One trillion USD. Given that bitcoin is global and has a market potential of 7,7 billion people, this is not an extreme number by any means. But it’s still a lot of money doing nothing. And 7.7 billion people is an extreme amount of people doing something.

Apparently, bitcoin has also been taken for granted by residents of many less developed countries around the world, where their currencies are not as stable as our euros and US dollars (it’s an insider joke!) and they need immediately to convert all their savings and earnings into something more stable. In Tito’s Yugoslavia we immediately exchanged all dinars for Deutsche mark. Only the essentials for current needs remained in dinars. And now bitcoin is in the eyes of many a kind of savior, a godsend to humanity, that will pull the poor out of poverty without much effort. They just have to carefully collect bitcoins and watch their savings grow. For 500% per year. The people of the developed world are losing savings in their devalued currencies, and the people of the poor countries are making 500% of their annual returns with bitcoins. If it is not the supreme sense of dark humor and irony of fate?

But bitcoin is also the mother of all bubbles. The fundamentals of this bubble is best explained by the joke – How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin? Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.

The problem, however, could arise when some country bans bitcoin and other kryptonites and citizens jump up, because they have taken away the only hope they have. I will not be at all surprised if somewhere this will cause a revolution or greater unrest. Currently, India is trying to ban bitcoin, but there I believe that any large-scale resistance is not possible because of this. In a smaller country, this scenario can easily happen.

However, wider-scale problems could also arise if, for some reason, the value of bitcoin plummeted to zero and those one thousand of billions will disappear in the moment. Once the big American investment banks start trading with bitcoins and his derivatives, it’s all very close to a colossal collapse! The colossal collapse is practically imminent. Don’t touch our bitcoins, you stupid cocain addicts!

So bitcoin could be that black swan that everyone has been waiting for years. This is not a completely impossible scenario and bitcoin has no safeguards, like on the stock market, to stop trading if the value falls too much, too fast. Bitcoin can go to zero in a couple of hours or even faster. Bitcoin can go to zero in true free fall. If the network that processes these transactions is not able to process them in real time, with a huge number of simultaneous transactions, the problem can arise that you can’t sell bitcoins for the price you want, but you can only sell them when it’s your turn. This is so called FIFO – First In First Out method of processing transactions. That you have to solve complex mathematical problems for each individual transaction may not be the best idea after all if there are a lot of these transactions at the same time and you don’t have such enormous computing power.

When the price of bitcoin flash crashes by a few hundred percent (I’m exaggerating, this way it turns out even more creepy!), given that quite a few holders probably have triggers set for automatic sales at a certain price, accelerating down can be powerful. In my opinion, such a black swan could immediately cause unrest or even overthrow some governments. Maybe even the CEO of Goldman Sachs in person will be flown by a helicopter or a private jet from vacation to the company’s headquarters on downtown Manhattan, New York. Where is our best mathematician and who did dismissed the risk assessment department? What an idiot put together bitcoin, dogcoin, stellar and polkacoin into one single CDS (Credit-Default Swap)? Exactly why we played with bitcoin after all?

In a classic banking system, you know exactly how much money there is, who has it and on what banking account, how it is with collateral, in short, the system is at least forcibly and seemingly under control and regulated. There is nothing like that with bitcoin. It can easily come as a shock that in some smaller and poorer countries, most residents had savings in bitcoin, as their currency is useless for storing value due to high inflation. It’s not impossible that even some central banks have all their collaterals and securities in fake bitcoins, instead of true Gold, which was created when two stars collided and is treated as precious metal. So, in this case, it would turn out that the savior was a liar and that they had nothing left and they could start all over again from the beginning. Does history actually repeat itself? Or did the savior come ahead of time and the time of the almighty bitcoin is yet to come?

However, in this case, many will jump up again, why countries allowed that bitcoin is not regulated, why gamblers were not protected, why when buying bitcoins you were not told that the value of bitcoin can fall to practically nothing overnight, why there were no warnings that the system is not able to process many simultaneous transactions, why there is no central bank in the background, that could solve the market crash by printing new bitcoins and the like. Why? Why? Oh, God why?

Who is Satoshi Nakamoto? Give us Satoshi Nakamoto! Let’s crucify Satoshi Nakamoto. If he is the true Son of God, he will make bitcoin great again. Or he will die!

Power to the people and eternal glory to China bitcoin miners!

How come that they fucked up bitcoin too, the history will write.

I am writing a screenplay for a disaster movie similar to Contagion (2011), which came true in 2020 with the outbreak of a pandemic of new coronavirus. My idea is that first the cryptocurrency, which has a market share of 20 trillion USD, collapses, then mass riots and uprisings begin around the world. Cinemas can’t stay forever closed and people love spectacles. I imagine some scenes lively what they will look like.

Look at these numbers! What is going on the network? Did we just lose China from the internet? Who is processing transactions? Crap! This is going to be a big one. Sell, sell, sell… We just lost the USA and Russia too. It’s all over. Bitcoin is a gooner. Beer someone? No?

Movie working title – Crypto Armagedon.

Full disclosure: Dr. Onyx has no bitcoins in his portfolio. He does not believe in bitcoins. He thinks bitcoin is just another big scam to transfer wealth from the poor to the rich. If it was the other way around, it would have been banned by now.

Translated with Google Translate (what funny English translation do they make). NASDAQ: GOOG (P/E 33,45). HOLD? BUY? SELL?

#POVERTY 2 THE PEOPLE
#FALL OF BITCOIN
#BLACK SWAN
$FREE FALL$

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Bitcoin explained

Solution to the debt problem

20 03 2021

The U.S. dollar is the world’s reserve currency and most of the external debt of countries around the world is denominated in U.S. dollars. So if the US economy falls into a hyperinflationary spiral, all this debt will be practically erased by their inflation. Intelligent? No. This is actually ingenious! 

How to bet against the world’s central banks?

20 03 2021

I think I found a solution. You need to create a global startup, which will produce wooden coffins.

Napredek?

19 03 2021

Na začetku 19 stoletja je lahko moški s svojim delom preživel ženo, sebe in osem otrok. Po drugi svetovni vojni je lahko moški s svojim delom preživel sebe, ženo in dva otroka. V sedemdesetih letih prejšnjega stoletja sta morala delati oba, da sta lahko preživela sebe in dva otroka. Danes morata delati oba in kljub temu ne moreta preživeti sebe in enega otroka brez kreditov!

V naslednji iteraciji bodo očitno morali delati še otroci.

Visoka cena za ta tehnološki napredek.

Kakšen napredek?

Potresno zavarovanje

17 03 2021

Z mano je očitno res nekaj narobe. Hudo narobe!

Včeraj sem šel peš na Ljubljanski grad in ko sem takole spodaj opazoval Ljubljano, mi je prvo prišlo na misel vprašanje, koliko teh ljudi ima sploh sklenjeno potresno zavarovanje? Ljubljana je namreč potresno ogrožena in številne stavbe močnejšega potresa ne bi zdržale. Vsaj tako pravi stroka. Ampak potem sem opazil zasnežene hribe v daljavi, tako da nisem več razmišljal o potresu, ampak o izgubljeni smučarski sezoni.

vse foto: Dr. Onyx

Očitno se mi pozna, da sem eno leto delal v zavarovalnici. Potem mi je pa postalo tam dolgčas in sem šel stran. Ti ljudje v zavarovalnicah ljudi samo strašijo, kaj vse se jim lahko zgodi, da poberejo čim več kosmate zavarovalniške premije. Za to se gre v teh krogih in najbolj uspešne, najbolj prepričljive zavarovalniške agente, častijo kot športne zvezdnike. Še posebej pa te častijo, če uspeš komu prodati zavarovanje za bazen, ki ga sploh nima. To si pa potem taka zvezda med zavarovalniškimi agenti, da ti vsi ostali hočejo plačati pivo, ko te srečajo. Vem kaj govorim. So me dali enkrat na tečaj za zavarovalniškega agenta, da bom bolje spoznal, s čim se firm ukvarja. In sem spoznal. O sem. Vsaka druga beseda je bila “nateg” na tem tečaju. Toliko nategov, da sem se po koncu tečaja še sam počutil nategnjenega, čeprav nisem sklenil nobenega zavarovanja. Pa bi ga skoraj, tako so prepričljivi. Ko vidiš, kaj vse bi si ti lahko zgodilo, pa se ti običajno ne. Ampak nekaterim pa se. Zato so zavarovanja. Dober zavarovalniški agent te mora znati prepričati, da se vse to prav lahko zgodi tudi tebi. Potres, poplava, požar, padec kometa, solarni izbruh, vojaški udar, prihod levice nazaj na oblast.

Nekaj podobnega mora izgledati v kakšni veliki ameriški investicijski banki, kot so Goldman Sach, JPMorgan Chase, Morgan Stanley in podobne. Lehman Brothersa pa žal ni več med jim. Je odšel med legende leta 2008.

V naslednjem življenju želim biti ameriški investicijski bančnik! Sto tisoč dolarjev osebnega proračuna letno samo za prostitutke ne more biti slabo življenje. To se sicer knjiži pod postavko zabava. Čeprav ko konec leta pogledaš tako visoko postavko, se moraš počutiti v več pogledih nategnjenega. Vodilni samec pri šimpanzih vse to dobi zastonj. Ni mu potrebno biti investicijski bančnik pri Goldman Sucksu. Še celo urinira lahko kjerkoli ga prime. O takšnem udobju lahko mi samo sanjamo. Imamo pa zato Facebook in Tinder. Pa banane so poceni, čeprav še vedno ne tako poceni, kot pri šimpanzih. Samo res. Zakaj že mi plačujemo tudi za banane?

USA Today

13 03 2021

655 ljudi v ZDA ima 4.000 (štiri tisoč) milijard USD premoženja, 200 milijonov ljudi ne more pokriti 1.000,00 (tisoč) USD nepredvidenih stroškov.

In tudi drugje ta razmerja niso bistvena drugačna.

USA IS GOING DOWN. REPEAT, USA IS GOING DOWN.

USA IS DOWN.

WE ARE ALL DOWN.

FLATLINED.


REANIMATION?